


sink in.

by idkspookystuff



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Boys In Love, Coming Out, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Pre-smut, Seriously it's like two seconds I can't write angst, Swearing, Trans Bram, Trans Character, more book compliant than movie compliant but hey whatcha gonna do
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 10:24:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14400180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idkspookystuff/pseuds/idkspookystuff
Summary: Bram's life is perfect. He has his fairytale ending, true love's kiss and a prince. He loves Simon Spier with everything he has.Which is why he's terrified to tell Simon his secret: he's transgender.





	sink in.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lokithegodofsass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokithegodofsass/gifts).



> today's my [girlfriend's](http://pippinsoo.tumblr.com) 21st birthday! therefore, this domestic mess is dedicated to her. you deserve a great love story and i hope that i give one to you every day. i love you so much.
> 
> so this fic came about because we both recently read simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda and it reminded me how much i love bram. there's no trans!bram fics and so, as the resident trans person in each fandom, i felt it my duty to make up for the lack of trans bram fics.
> 
> consider following me [on tumblr](http://gorgeousdan.tumblr.com) if you like youtube.
> 
> comments make me :)
> 
> love,  
> [sebastian](http://gorgeousdan.tumblr.com)

Sometimes, Bram can’t believe how lucky he is.

Lucky Simon emailed him, lucky they fell in love, lucky Simon’s patient, lucky he’s persistent, lucky he read Simon’s email before it was too late, lucky Simon stayed until the fair closed, lucky Simon wasn’t disappointed he was Blue, lucky, lucky, lucky.

His life feels like one big love story and he can’t believe he deserves it. Abraham Greenfeld, quiet, shy, Abraham Greenfeld gets an explosive love story. He’d always thought of himself as a supporting character before Simon’s first email. Now, somehow, he’s the lead. 

It helps that, for all his insistence to meet Blue, Simon is really fucking patient. The first night they spent together in Simon’s bedroom after the talent show, Bram admitted he wanted things to go slow and Simon agreed. So they hold hands and they kiss and they make out until they’re both red and panting and dizzy but that’s it. Simon lets Bram take things at his own pace and he’s immensely grateful. 

Bram’s kind of obsessed with every part of Simon. He had fantasies when they were Blue and Jacques, Simon’s words electrifying his skin most nights, but they’re nothing compared to actually knowing Simon, actually knowing what Simon’s weight feels like on his, how big and warm Simon’s hands are on his back, how soft his lips are, what it sounds like to have Simon gasp against his skin. 

He wants Simon in every sense of the word. There’s just one teensy problem: Simon has no clue he’s trans.

Simon is loving and caring and accepting; he’s the perfect boyfriend, honestly. He’s also quite possibly the gayest person Bram knows. He knows for a fact that Simon finds nothing about girls attractive. Bram looks like a guy, has been on testosterone for years and spends hours working out to be muscular, was born tall and has a deep voice. 

Being transgender never came up when he was Blue and now, every time he tries to tell Simon, he gets tongue-tied. It’s like coming out as gay but a million times worse because he could destroy everything with two little words.

None of that is currently crossing his mind, though, because they’re in Simon’s bedroom and his parents aren’t home. Simon’s bedroom without his parents is one of Bram’s favorite places, especially in Simon’s bed with his boyfriend over him. Simon’s got his legs straddling Bram’s waist, is bent over so that they can kiss. It must be uncomfortable but Simon isn’t complaining. Bram can tell Simon’s hard - he’s got a tell, skin flushed bright red, breath leaving him in pants, his eyes fluttering. 

Bram feels dizzy too. Kissing Simon is, like, the most amazing thing he’s ever experienced. He feels like he’s on fire in the best way possible, his stomach keeps flipping over, his heart is thumping in his chest. Simon’s hand leaves its spot on Bram’s waist and he brings it under Bram’s shirt, right on his stomach. Bram never wants Simon to stop touching him. He bunches Simon’s shirt up in his fist and doesn’t want to ever stop touching Simon, either.

Simon’s hand traces up Bram’s stomach, a soft “god, Bram,” against his lips distracting Bram from why this is probably a really awful idea. Simon’s hand traces higher and higher and Bram realizes what’s going to happen at the exact second it happens: Simon’s hand catches on his binder.

Bram gasps and shoots back on Simon’s bed like he’s been burned. Simon gives him kind of a stunned look; understandable, really, Bram would probably also be freaked if his boyfriend was very suddenly having a panic attack. As it is, Bram can’t really breathe right; his binder is restricting his breathing and his head is spinning.

“Bram, woah,” Simon says, his voice rough. He sits properly and scoots closer to Bram. “It’s okay, hey, I’m sorry.” He seems spooked but he’s the best so he puts Bram’s needs before his own. He grabs Bram’s hand and traces his thumb over the skin on his wrist. “It’s okay, baby. Whatever’s wrong, it’s okay.” 

Simon’s soft words and his touches calm Bram down a little bit, but he’s still spinning. He feels nauseated and he realizes with sudden clarity he has to tell Simon. He just has to. 

“I’m transgender,” he blurts. There was probably a better way to phrase it but  _ holy shit _ he’s just said it and Simon isn’t reacting.

Simon’s eyes trace Bram’s, looking for something. His fingers stop tracing their path and he says, “oh,” in the softest voice Bram’s ever heard from him. Bram’s body acts for him, he gets out from under Simon and stands on shaking legs. Simon stands as well and tries to catch Bram’s wrist but Bram’s faster and pulls away.

Bram gives Simon one last look before he takes off running, Simon hot on his heels. Simon’s all leg so he’s fast, but Bram has years of soccer on him so he’s faster, racing down the stairs as tears poke hot at his eyes. He pointedly ignores Simon’s “wait, Bram!” as he races from the house. Simon follows after him and stops in his doorway, watching as Bram runs.

-

No more than thirty minutes after running back, ignoring his mom’s “Abraham!” as he ran inside and slammed the door, tears hot in eyes, Nick’s in his room. Bram barely casts his eyes up at Nick, meaning he isn’t expecting it when Nick slaps the back of his head.  _ Hard _ .

“Ow!” Bram turns and glares at him. “The fuck was that for, you asshole?”

“That was for making my best friend cry,” Nick answers. Bram’s heart twists in his chest. He hates seeing Simon cry and now he’s the reason. He feels nauseated all over again as Nick settles in next to him on his bed. “What’s wrong, dude? I’ve never seen you look so upset before.” 

Bram tucks his knees up to his chest and rests his face against his denim-clad knee. His face is red hot and he just knows he’s ruined everything. He’s never felt so stupid in his life. “I told Simon I’m trans,” Bram answers. Nick’s one of the only people beside his immediate family who knows his secret. 

Nick gives him a smile. “Bram,” he says softly. “That’s incredible, dude. I’m so proud of you.” 

Bram laughs, a sound devoid of any humor. “Yeah, it went really well,” he says sarcastically. “That’s why I’m crying in my bedroom sans Simon.” 

Nick sighs. “Did Simon say something transphobic? That doesn’t sound like him.” 

Bram bites his lip. How’s he supposed to explain why he ran? It’s not that Simon said something transphobic, did something wrong. He didn’t react at all. Bram expected coming out as transgender to Simon to be a Big Deal, expected him to start screaming or crying immediately and he just. He did nothing. It was so very Simon that Bram freaked. He freaked and ran and now Simon’s crying without him. 

Nick seems to get it without Bram saying anything. He rests a hand on Bram’s back. “Dude, Simon’s more in love with you than I’ve ever seen anyone love anything. And you love him. Somehow. Despite the  _ Boom Boom Pow _ video from seventh grade.” Bram laughs breathlessly at the memory. “You being trans doesn’t change anything.”

Bram bumps his knee against Nick’s. “You’re not so bad, Eisner.” 

Nick smiles at him. “I know,” he answers. “I’m kind of the shit.”

Bram laughs again. He grabs a pillow and hits Nick’s shoulder with it. “Shut the fuck up.”

-

Bram saves Simon a seat on the couch in English on Monday, but Simon never shows. In Algebra, the seat next to Bram is empty. He’s sure he’ll see Simon at lunch, but when he walks to their lunch table, he finds Simon’s seat empty. Leah, Abby and Nick look up at him in tandem, so he asks, “where’s Simon?” 

Leah bites her lip. “He stayed home today. He said he didn’t feel well.”

Bram feels his stomach drop. He suddenly doesn’t feel hungry, so he leaves his sandwich with Garrett (who accepts it happily) and walks outside. Technically, only seniors are allowed to leave the campus for lunch, but he looks old enough to be a senior and no one gets questioned about it anyway. 

He makes his way slowly to the parking lot with the full intent to sit in his car and cry until next block starts. He sets a timer on his watch and then walks with his head down. It’s only until he gets to his spot that he realizes the spot next to his is occupied. His heart beats out of his chest when he realizes it’s Simon’s car and there he is - Simon, leaning against Bram’s car, arms crossed, waiting for him.

Bram is momentarily speechless. “How’d you know I’d come out here?” he asks.

Simon shrugs. “I know you like to be alone when you’re having a shit day.”  He traces his fingers along the door. “Blue emailed me a few times from his car.” 

Bram is still stuck in place a few feet from Simon. He knows he looks stupid, but he’s frozen in place. Why is Simon here? Is he here to yell at Bram, to break up with him, to out him to the entire school?

Bram’s hands are shaking as he asks, “w-why are you here, Simon?”

Simon takes a step forward. “To do this,” he says, and he closes the gap between them and kisses him, his hands on Bram’s face. The kiss is amazing. It immediately takes Bram’s breath away and he acts on instinct, his body moving closer to Simon, his hands coming to wrap around Simon’s neck. 

After a minute, Simon pulls back, leans his head against Bram’s. One hand comes to rest on Bram’s waist, the other grabs his hand and laces their fingers together. “I love you, Abraham Greenfeld.” Bram feels as dizzy as he does every time Simon says it. “Nothing about you will ever change that. I love you for you, Bram. I want you, no matter what.” 

Bram feels electricity spike through his veins. He pulls Simon into a kiss that’s just as dizzying as the first, and whispers, “I love you so much, Simon,” before he connects their lips again. 

Simon walks them backwards to his car, pulls back enough to be able to open the door. He pushes Bram in and straddles him, closes the door and then connects their lips again. Bram feels warm all over, inside and out. Simon rests a big, warm hand on his stomach. Bram covers Simon’s hand with his own and pushes it further down. Simon gets the hint, dips under Bram’s jeans and rubs circles into his hips. Bram gasps into Simon’s mouth at the feeling and Simon chuckles back, all deep and dangerous. 

A loud beep interrupts the two of them and they jump apart. Bram laughs sheepishly as he realizes what the sound was. “My watch,” he answers, stopping the alarm. “I have to get back to class.” Simon whines in protest and Bram laughs. “I have to, Si. I’m studying for AP exams.” 

Simon rolls his eyes fondly. He presses a soft kiss to Bram’s cheek. “After school,” he starts, “I want you to come over,” a kiss to his other cheek, “so that I can,” a kiss to his neck, soft and fleeting. Bram gasps. “Take my gorgeous,” a kiss to the exposed skin on his chest, “incredible boyfriend,” his nose, “apart in my bed.” Simon leans forward and connects their lips again.

“God yes,” Bram whispers when they part. Simon laughs softly and gets off of Bram, opens the door for him. 

“Out you get, Greenfeld.” 

Now it’s Bram’s turn to pout. He gets out of the car and gives Simon the Puppy Dog Eyes. Simon laugh softly. “I’ll see you later, Bram.”

Bram can’t help but smile. “Yeah,” he answers. “Yeah, you will.” 

**Author's Note:**

> please consider commenting and/or leaving kudos if you liked it!
> 
> thank you for making it this far. you're awesome.


End file.
